WANT ABS? HEAD FOR THE KITCHEN.

We all know the feeling. That surprise-cum-coronary that comes when you realize that the size 32-waist trouser you've become so familiar with has turned into a 34. Or, heaven forbid, a 36. And, while we can run from it, we cannot hide when it comes wedding time. 

The strong of heart embrace the 36 and all the more of you there is to love. The vain of heart (aka 99% of the gay male population), go careening headlong into a training regime to turn your beloved 32 into a never-before 28

But, we are here to tell you that your waistline is found in the kitchen and not the gym. Don't get us wrong, we want you to be the toned and buffed Adonis of your dreams. However, the secret to looking trim and radiant can be found in the Standard Process Purification Program.

This 21-day cleanse is fundamentally about clearing your system of years of fries and rosé; resetting joints that have been taxed by too many inflammatory nuts and eggs; and freeing your skin from toxins built up thanks to all those glasses of water you didn't drink. 

And, we can vouch for not only how easy it is to complete, but how astonishing the results are. 

 Wanna shed the pounds? Then drink the liters!

Wanna shed the pounds? Then drink the liters!

Yes, you are giving up everything you love (and love perhaps too much): coffee, wine, eggs, nuts, sugars, flour and meats (but, more on that item later). You are focusing your diet on fruits and vegetables only. BUT, you can eat as many veggies as you can possibly consume, and as many fruits as you like, so long as your veggie intake doubles that of your fruit intake. You will be completing your diet with whole-food supplements, powdered proteins and, if you work with a nutritionist (which we recommend), other "potions" to address your body's particularities. Oh, and you are going to be drinking a lot of water. A lot. 

Here's how it goes: for 8 days you will only eat veggies, fruit and your supplements. On day 9, you can opt to integrate fish and chicken. But, sticking with the veggies and fruit program has great benefits in the waistline department. And, at day 21 you will truly be astonished by how lean you look, how radiant your skin is and how healthy your whole person feels. 

Men's Vows' Editor-in-Chief accidentally came to Standard Process. In hopes of avoiding surgery for a prematurely rickety knee, one that made it nearly impossible to go up and down stairs, he consulted an eastern medicine doctor. Said doctor put him on Standard Process in order to  "reset the motherboard."

The first days sucked. We'd be lying if we'd told you otherwise. But, once in the groove, the rest of the experience was nothing short of easy. Really! Dinners out were still part of the equation, so long as the restaurant of choice featured a good vegetarian entree or a wide range of sides. And, the radical daily changes - energy, skin tone, sleep - were more than enough motivation to get to the finish line. 

At that finish line, our Editor was spotted coming off the treadmill after a 5-mile run, putting on a size 32 trouser not seen on the streets since the 90s and rocking skin that looked like it was internally illuminated. And, never once did he head to the gym in those 21 days! 

So, when it comes time for you to take to your skinny pants and smile for the wedding photographer, we say run from the gym and straight for the Standard Process.