Vacations are all about R&R. But, at Men’s Vows we are adding another R to our rest and relaxation: reflection.

As we’ve taken it down a notch here, we’ve been reflecting on all the sterling couples we’ve had a chance to meet. No matter how many engagement and wedding stories we hear, every story is as motivating as the last; each couple’s relationship as inspiring as the best love story ever told.

In a recent Wedding Wisdom interview, we were struck, once again, by what the couple cited as the highlight of their wedding: feeling the overwhelming emotions of declaring “forever” to the other and experiencing the enveloping love of those gathered.

But what was also noteworthy, was that the couple had invested a significant amount of thought and energy in planning a spectacular reception. From the hand-written engagement announcements to a fireworks display on a par with the Fourth of July to a feast Marie Antoinette would blush at, this wedding was the stuff of fairytales. And yet, never did the couple highlight any bit of it, after having described it in the course of detailing all aspects of the wedding.

In fact, it is the very rare couple that has lingered on the “stuff” of weddings. So, this got us thinking, or rather, reflecting, during our R&R&R time and we’ve decided to offer up some of what we’ve learned from our couples’ collective Wedding Wisdom.

Don’t Sweat the Stuff

We want you to have the wedding of your dreams, but we don’t want you to fight over it or go into debt over it. Groomzilla always appears around line items in the budget, never the vows. So, what does that say to you? Where you’re aligned – getting married – is where you should be, always. And, when you differ, most likely around the cost of something, drop it. 

Ultimately, the dreamiest part of your dream wedding is saying “I Do.” Save the Louboutins for an anniversary! 

Indulge the Indulgent

Weddings are an indulgence: an indulgence of love and excess. But, make sure you indulge the right things: your vows, the food and the music. Again, as much as we’ve heard from grooms, we’ve heard from guests. And, here’s what we don’t hear: “OMG I need to know who their tailor was ‘cuz those suits were banging.” Or, “The linens and silver were straight out of Downton Abbey. To die for.” Or even, “Check out my Insta ‘cuz I took 1000 snaps of their flowers.” 

Just like grooms, guests are taken by the love the husbands-to-be profess for each other and then they want to eat their faces off and dance their asses off. What we do hear from guests is: “It was so incredible to see these two men find each other and become one.” And, “I’ve never been fed or watered quite like that.” And, “Leave it to the gays to have the best dance party… EVER.”

It Is All About You, so Be Entirely You

This point might contradict the above. 100% of our grooms have all said that the wedding has to be all about you. So, if you are all about luxury and excess, then your wedding should given Ms. Markle a run for her money. But, as you plan, make sure that the “you” you’re planning for is your most complete and real you. Don’t make your wedding fantasy so out of touch with your reality that you and your guests lose sight of who is actually getting married!  

We want your guests to revel in how much your wedding brought them closer to the real you, your real groom and to each other because it was so truly for, from and about you. 

Your Big Day, is not Your Only Big Day

You are only going to utter those vows once, so make an event of doing so. But, know that there are countless ways of celebrating your love as your marriage unfolds. Celebrate your life and love together over time: at anniversaries, by creating special or random events, through rituals between you or among friends and family. 

The moment it all begins matters. So does celebrating key moments when your relationship deepens and continues.