Yuval & Mark: An Engagement Anniversary
You might remember New York grooms, Yuval & Mark, whose proposal video rocked the internet and rocked our site as one of our most popular articles in 2016. We are still so taken with their engagement story which you can experience again here.
Given December is the most popular month to get engaged, and the 13th marks the fourth anniversary of Yuval and Mark’s engagement, we thought we’d catch up with them to hear about their wedding and, more importantly, what life has been like as married men, especially this year, the most unusual of years!
What made you decide to have a destination wedding rather than one in New York?
Mark (M): “This was originally Yuval's father's idea, and it made perfect sense. Neither of our families live in New York, and most of our friends also live outside of New York.”
Yuval (Y): “My pop planned one of our very favorite family trips, which was to an ocean-side resort. As he said, it was a special time, filled with activities, but also the leisurely convenience of being at an all-inclusive resort and not having to go anywhere else. And, as he said, it would be an ideal place to bring everyone together.
“We have family and friends across the US, in Israel, and in Europe and Africa. So, no matter where we would have had our wedding, it would have required the majority of our guests to travel”
M: “We decided to find a venue where we could have a week of events and activities in a beautiful location that was classy and also more affordable for everyone compared to having the wedding in New York.”
How did you land at Mexico and the resort you chose?
Y: “We wanted to find an all-inclusive resort in a beautiful location, easily accessible, with great food and quality amenities. While searching, we learned that we could have a fabulous week of high-end events and celebrations at a resort in the Bahamas or Caribbean for a significantly cheaper rate than one or two days in and around NYC.
“We discovered some outstanding places
“And, we also encountered some resorts in the Caribbean and Bahamas that refused to welcome us, because same-sex marriages are not legal in those countries. In conversations on the phone, when the wedding department staff asked me about my fiancée, the conversation would stop when I mentioned that my fiancé is a man. Some said that they could let us have a wedding at their resort, but only if it was ‘exclusively indoors and if we did not use a church.’
“My response to them expressed that a wedding is a celebration of love, and there is no way that I will celebrate with the many people who are closest to us in a place that does not allow us to celebrate openly and equally.
“So, that cancelled out many potential options. Yet, having the added element of only considering resorts that both legally and respectfully treated us like any other couple helped us narrow our choices. Nonetheless, we did find some beautiful locations that were ideal for creating a completely fabulous experience for all our guests.”
M: “Mexico is relatively near, and it has numerous beautiful venues. We flew down months in advance of our wedding and visited several venues that we had selected in advance. The staff at all of them treated us extraordinarily well. The resort we ultimately chose—The Royalton Riviera Cancun—was by far the largest and newest, and presented the most options for guests of all ages. We were very pleased with the experience, and very happy we chose a very large venue because a very large number of guests were able to join us.”
Were there any challenges in planning a destination wedding?
M: “Very few. In fact, it was relatively easy, as these resorts regularly handle weddings of all sizes. Their experience made the planning exceptionally organized and beautiful. The only challenge we experienced was shipping to our resort items for the wedding and gift bags for all our guests. They got hung up in Mexican customs, and never were released.”
What is your favorite memory of the wedding?
M: “This is hard because there are so many. But here is one: We had two officiants for our wedding, a rabbi and an interfaith minister. Both have backgrounds in theatre and the arts. They planned a wonderful ceremony. And they kept portions of it a secret even from us! So we were surprised by the beauty of it. And one very important high point is that they asked us to look at every single guest in the eyes from our vantage point under the chuppa. It took several minutes, looking at smiling at every single guest. It brought everyone very near.”
Y: “Taking our time walking into the ceremony. Closing my eyes to focus on the sounds. Breathing deeply to try to capture the scents in the air of the ocean, the breeze, the nearby fruit trees and floral plants. And, even as I let myself have a multi-sensory experience, I still wish I had more time to let it all sink in.
“As we stood under the chuppah, the wedding canopy, I will never forget the loving comfort and passion I saw and felt while gazing into Mark's big blue eyes. While holding his hands, looking at him, I felt the pulse in his hand, and then I could not decipher if I was feeling his pulse or my own. And, simultaneously thinking of all of the life experiences we had shared—as we say “we have had a lot of life,”—and how our lives led us to each other and that moment.
“Oh, also, the dance party after the ceremony was amazing. The staff told me a few times that they had never seen a party where just about everybody was on the dance floor partying until the very end. We even broke the dance floor when everyone was dancing and jumping at the same time.”
What was your least favorite part of the day?
M: “It got warmer than anticipated outside. Our wedding was on the beach, and while it was beautiful, the sun was in our eyes and hot. We were wearing white, three-piece, custom-made suits. They looked great, but they felt starchy in that warm weather. But this was really a very minor thing in the grand scheme of things.”
Y: “I second that. When we walked up to our wedding guests sweating in the sun, I thought to myself that maybe we should have started the wedding ceremony a bit later.”
If you could do it all over again, what would you do differently?
M: “We would not ship items to Mexico 😊”
Y: “We would not ship anything to Mexico.”
What did it feel like to arrive back in New York as husbands?
M: “We knew from very early in our relationship—around the second month—where we were headed with one another. We were so sure, in fact, that we bought a place together only 8-months after first meeting! So we lived together in the same home for about 16 months before we got married. We created our own little domestic paradise—and I'm serious about that—and lived like husbands long before we made it official.”
Y: “Even though we had a week of wedding events with our guests, I wish it was longer. It was a magical time and a beautiful way to celebrate each other with the people we love most. So, arriving back in New York as husbands made me wish that we were still celebrating at the resort as newlyweds with our guests.”
Once the trip wore off, what felt different about living in a marriage?
M: “Again, not much felt different given that we fell in love so quickly and knew so early on where we were headed. We traveled very well together from the get-go, and even before we bought the place together, we practically lived together. Our families welcomed each other very enthusiastically, and each of us felt as though we were part of each other's families from the beginning. It was beautiful knowing you have found home, long before you really even have a home or an official marriage.”
Y: “Our togetherness felt very much the same as it did before we were married. We had an extra word describing our togetherness, making it even more official: we are life partners, lovers, best friends, and husbands.”
Now that it’s been a few years, has your understanding or expectations of marriage changed?
M: “We were both a bit more mature when we met, so each of us was fairly secure in our own skin and in life, and we each knew what we wanted and expected out of a relationship. We are blessed with an unusually strong bond—including, importantly, a bond of friendship—and we observe little habits that keep things that way. We always greet each one another at the door when one of us comes home; we always say "I love you" when ending a phone conversation or leaving the apartment; we exchange cards every month (the day of the month we first met and the day of our wedding); we cuddle almost every day—that is a hugely necessary part of our lives, each of needing one another's physical touch and warmth.”
Y: “Just as Mark explained, passion and communication are part of our every day, so, while expectations are probably the same as they have been since the beginning, understanding continues to grow and deepen.”
Did anything change while asked to shelter at home?
Y: “We enjoy being together. Even though we each are lucky to still be busy with work, having the opportunity to be together all day has actually been comforting. The stress and anxiety due to this horrible global pandemic is soothed by being together and comforting each other. I know how lucky I am to be able to quarantine with the man I love.”
M: “Some of our most favorite weekends and evenings since we met are when we have no plans and don't go anywhere. We eat mostly at home, cooking and eating very healthy (almost 100% vegetarian). One of our favorite things to do when it is just us is to eat dinner together while watching a series on Netflix. We had to spend many weeks in separate beds when Yuval contracted the virus, and limited physical contact as well. But frankly, being under quarantine honestly didn’t change much.”
Any tips you learned getting through quarantine as a couple?
M: “We have always been extremely close and "lovey-dovey." We are like puppies with all the cuddling. We have never argued about anything major. Each of us has rough moments here and there, but it is always something little and silly and quickly passes. But, it is important for each to have some space, too. Each of us has our own office, and we know when the other is busy and needs to just bet left alone. But being at home together gave us the chance to cuddle more, flirt more, share the domestic chores more.”
Y: “Give each other the space to still have alone time, and then make the shared space and shared time even more special.”
What advice would you offer to couples who recently got engaged?
M: “The advice is, ‘Guess what? Life intervenes, and not always in a good way. But it should be used to strengthen, not weaken, a relationship.’ Times like this can test a relationship. In fact, many thing test a relationship: an unusually rough patch at work; a troubled family matter; a bad financial surprise; a death of a parent or other loved one; cancer in the family; an injury or health issue that takes one of you way out of his routine. You're not always going to want to be intimate. You'll be distracted, worried, and/or exhausted. This is when you really need the bond that goes beyond the physical. This is when you really need to be best friends, not just lovers.”
Y: “A relationship is ever-growing, like a garden. And, it only continues to flourish if treated with care and attention. The way we move forward through every life experience has served to strengthen our relationship and our loving bond; that can also be expressed as we were able to move forward through every life experience with the support of our strong relationship and our loving bond.”
Here’s the team that worked on Yuval and Mark’s wedding, including our very own, Jason Mitchell Kahn.
Wedding Planner: Jason Mitchell Kahn
Venue: Resort Riviera Maya
Photography: Photo Pro
Floral Design: Eventos Euforia
DJ: Benjamin Solis
And, be sure to follow Yuval below: