Delivering a memorable wedding toast, speech, and vow, is a combination of heartfelt emotion and unique delivery. It is part psychology and partly acting. The most memorable words tell a story of intimacy and imperfection. So, when seeking support to write a wedding toast, speech, and vow, you should turn to Fergus O’Sullivan.

A psychology graduate and actor, this Irishman is also well-steeped in the British tradition of wedding speeches. Weddings in the UK typically feature speeches delivered by the best man, groom, and father of the bride, with the best man’s speech being the most anticipated. Anticipated for being an extended, comedic roast of the groom. As a result, Britons know and stress about preparing memorable speeches.

“Nervousness comes from expectations we put on ourselves that simply cramp who and how we naturally are. Everyone is there to see you, not you being some ideal you, you think you should present,” Fergus points out. As a result, starting to work with Fergus “is about making it as relaxed as possible. The more relaxed I can make you feel, the more I will understand you and get you on the page.” This is as simple as engaging in an onboarding questionnaire that serves as a discussion guide for your first conversation with Fergus.

The first of many. Not only is it important to find your voice, but it is also important to find the stories. As Fergus shares, “it isn’t that people don’t know what to say, it is more giving them permission to say it.” We too often think that we must tell the most epic joke, or give away the cheekiest secret, or find the most perfect quote, but to Fergus it is about opening a window on to the relationship you are all there to celebrate. Finding the essence of what you want to say about the couple is a great start. From it, then find the stories that bring that essence to life.

What makes a wedding memorable is what you learn about the couple, about why they are making the decision to wed. While the reception and all its trappings are the stuff of great photographs, it is the feelings, captured in words, that make a wedding stand out in our hearts and minds. Great speeches, toasts, and vows, allow people to understand the couple differently. “We all crave vulnerability.”

“To overcome nerves, I advise you don’t. Nerves provide energy; they indicate that you care. Without them you run the risk of falling flat. Instead, think about nerves as excitement and say: ‘I am really excited about this versus I am really nervous about it.’ Audiences that sense or know your nervousness will give you that energy back. Audiences that feel or know your excitement look forward to going on a ride with you.”

Fergus encourages people to share the challenges of life and the realities of the couple. “Discomfort creates a little magic, especially if it means something for you and the couple.” Before going too far in shining a light on the rough edges, you can always test your topics out with others. Their votes of confidence will propel you as you prepare to work with Fergus.

When it comes to preparation, Fergus firmly believes, “having a copy of your speech to hand, but having practiced it so much before that you’re not reading it. Having a copy stops you from panicking if you forget something. Because the split-second you think you’ve forgotten, you’ll lose your breath and your brain will follow, which will then make it harder to find your way back.” Also, unless you’re the ideal combo of a Tony Award winner, a stand-up comedian, and an improv maestro, memorization gets in the way of feeling the room and reacting to the room reacting to you. As much as a speech might be one-way, great ones are a dialog between your words and the audience.

Collaborating with Fergus won’t turn you into anything you are not. That is not the point. It will however, allow you to give the most authentic version of your speech, and yourself. In authenticity lies beauty and what more could you want on your wedding day.

You can follow Fergus on Instagram or find him online.