Ask Jason: Postponing Your Wedding During the Coronavirus Pandemic

As a wedding planner, I know how to remain ahead of the curve.  Wedding planners avoid potential catastrophes in action by being able to predict them several steps ahead of the game.  That is my job.  That is a skill I bring to the table when you hire me.  The COVID-19 crisis has forced everyone in the wedding industry to think and act differently.  As a result, I have been flooded with questions from clients, friends and family.  Here are my answers as of today (because it changes by the hour!) to the questions I have received that might relate to you.

Should we postpone or cancel our wedding given the coronavirus pandemic? 

This definitely depends on the date you have planned.  Even if where your wedding is taking place is not under suggested self-quarantine practices, you need to consider what public confidence will be like in the ability or desire to be in group situations.

While it’s important to remain hopeful that this will get under control, we have to be realistic.  If your wedding is two months away, you would have tons of things stressing you out for the next eight weeks even in a normal situation.  Think about how it’s going to feel to wonder every day if that proposed amount of time is accurate.  If you have the option to postpone to a date further down the line, that will probably give you better peace of mind.

Though some states have not restricted public gatherings or enforced closing of restaurants and venues, it’s better to err on the side of caution, as that is likely coming soon. Your guests have been learning the same information as you have.  Ask yourself, if this wasn’t your wedding, would you feel comfortable entering a big group setting?

Our wedding is currently scheduled in the next two months. What do you suggest we do?

Be proactive.  Check in with your venue and all vendors on what their policies are about rescheduling. Be kind. They are stressed and nervous too.

Try to understand the big picture of what is happening right now. Inevitably, you feel stressed about how to make decisions about what is likely the most important day of your life.  Remind yourself how you got here.  You found your special someone.  You’re in love.  Those things don’t change and are good mantras to remind yourself of every day.

Can we keep our wedding as scheduled and rescind invitations to friends and family who are at high risk of contracting coronavirus?

I would say no.  While we have information supporting how this is more dangerous for certain types of people, we are all at risk and should be actively working to prevent more spreading of covid 19.

Will we be able to get refunds if our wedding is postponed due to the coronavirus pandemic?

Right now, every vendor I am talking to is offering complimentary rescheduling.  Most airlines and hotels are flexible.  The challenge you need to prepare for is that if you do reschedule, you might not have your exact same team of vendors.  That is the type of information you should be currently gathering. For example, I messaged a photographer that I have under contract for a wedding I am in the process of rescheduling.  If he is already booked, he has offered to send one of his colleagues.  I know that might not sound ideal, but vendors are trying to be as reasonable as possible given this new set of circumstances.

What should we do if we can’t postpone our wedding because of the coronavirus pandemic?

I don’t want to sugar coat this scenario.  It’s not ideal, but neither is learning after your wedding that several of your guests caught the virus there.  So, you can still marry in a small and private way, practicing all of the social distancing habits we are being asked to do right now.  You can go to city hall to make your union official and somewhere down the line have a much larger reception to celebrate.  If your officiant is comfortable performing the ceremony while standing 6 feet away from the two of you, you can live stream this to guests at home.

How do we proceed with planning our wedding date is much further down the line?

Right now, if you’re signing any new contracts, say for a wedding in the hopefully coronavirus-free future, look for flexibility in case this goes on longer than predicted.  Make sure your money will be able to be refunded should a venue or any vendor not be able to work for you.

Be considerate with vendors as they manage themselves during this time.  You might get a notification that your tux has arrived.  That’s great.  But you can’t have a fitting and keep six feet of distance from the person being asked to perform alterations. 

Can I attend a local wedding that hasn’t been canceled if I don’t consider myself at risk of contracting coronavirus?

I’m a New Yorker. I personally don’t think anyone should be doing anything in groups at the moment.  If you live in a town where it hasn’t hit, this is the type of activity that could change that.

Can we proceed with planning our wedding in a country that doesn’t have the coronavirus?

Even if the city or country doesn’t currently have this virus, you are still asking your guests to be at an airport, sit on a plane, go through customs, etc.  The more these activities can currently be reduced the faster we can stop the spread of this. Additionally, your or your guests could unknowingly bring the virus to the country. 

When do you really think we’ll be in the clear to plan our wedding without things being affected by the coronavirus

I don’t have access to a crystal ball anymore than you do.  All we can do is stay as informed as possible and aim to make the world healthier and safer together.

Anything to think about on a lighter note about planning our wedding during the coronavirus pandemic?

If you ever needed a test for if you are meant to marry someone, see how you take to self-quarantining together!

Do you have any other words of advice for us about postponing or planning our wedding during the coronavirus pandemic?

I’m a naturally optimistic person, so here’s what I’d like to say in closing:  There will be a time when the way we are currently living is a thing of the past.  When we arrive there safely, the need to celebrate together will be so much greater.  Think about how wonderful it will feel to raise a glass to your guests then. This is definitely a time that seems scary, but we will survive this.  This is not the first time the world has suffered a health crisis, especially in our community.  I hope it’s sooner than later, but one day we will all dine and dance together in celebration of the powerful love shared at weddings.  And yours will be one of them.

If there’s anything we haven’t covered, please email jason@mensvows.com or post on our Postponed Weddings Community Group on Facebook your additional questions.  Not only will you get an answer, but we’ll be sharing them with our other readers.