Carlos & Nick: A Mormon Gay Wedding

Carlos and Nick both grew up in the Mormon Church. Throughout their upbringings, their families strictly adhered to the Mormon doctrine, and were deeply involved in their Church communities. Carlos and Nick both pursued their Mormon missionary work after they finished high school, but struggled throughout as closeted gay men in an extremely unaccepting environment. “During my mission I had suffered emotional abuse by my mission president.” Carlos recalled. “I eventually opened up to my counselor about my sexual orientation, but made her promise to never tell anyone. She told my mission president which caused him to start accusing me of doing bad things.” One thing led to another, and the situation overwhelmed Carlos. Questioning how he could go on, Carlos completed his two year mission and headed back home. 

“I was in a very bad emotional state. This is when Nick came into the picture. He grew up as a member of the Mormon Church and had also served a mission. He recently had come out of the closet to his mom and had joined a support group for gay Mormons who still wanted to pursue their active Mormon life. We met through that group and started talking everyday. He was my biggest support when I came back from my mission and he ultimately was the one who encouraged me to come to Utah to get more support and study here.” Carlos and Nick decided that they would support each other as friends, but things soon changed. “We didn’t really have an official first date. We just started hanging out as "friends" because we did not think we'd become romantically involved.” Carlos instantly noticed Nick’s eyes—“I thought he was very handsome, and his eyes were blue like the ocean.”

From the beginning, Carlos and Nick shared a strong emotional connection.  “I believe we were always in love. We shared so much and were there to support one another. Our feelings grew stronger and stronger. It took months, but we then realized the whole idea of us just being friends because we wanted to live the mormon life wasn’t going to work.”

Carlos had to go back to Mexico to change his visa from tourist to student. The separation over the next month was excruciatingly difficult. “This is when it finally hit us that we needed each other and needed to be together. We were meant for each other.”

Nick and Carlos felt miserable being apart. At first, Nick’s mother wasn’t supportive of their relationship. But, while Carlos was away, she realized that Nick wasn’t happy and began to have a change of heart. From then on, she became the most supportive in the family. “She reached out to me and told me that I needed to come back as soon as possible because her son needed me.”

Once Carlos returned, the two started living together, but this was kept as a secret from Nick’s family for some time. Carlos decided that he would break the news to Nick’s mom, knowing that it might come as quite a shock to her. “Nick’s mom told the rest of the family. As far as how that went, I bet there was a lot of controversy but the decision was made and had to be respected.”

Carlos was still trying to file for a change in status with his US VISA. “We decided to get married so I could file for my change of status, though I was still under a Student VISA then, we knew that if we wanted to build a life together, we needed to get married for the legality. We put our minds to work and decided on a date and went with it.” Nick and Carlos had a very casual engagement, along with a small New Years party at their home.

Choosing a small atrium at a friend’s office building in downtown Salt Lake City as their ceremony venue, the two prepared themselves for their wedding day. "I was very nervous but I was excited, I was so excited to overcome so many obstacles together. I knew this was destiny.” Nick’s family and some of the couple’s closest and most supportive friends arrived to celebrate. “The wedding day was full of emotion. There was still some resistance from Nick’s family, which made me very upset. I would’ve much preferred to not have had anyone who didn’t agree attend. I knew that this was what I wanted, because I felt with all my heart that Nick was and still is the person I wanna spend my life with. It was a simple and small wedding, but it definitely made a statement that Nick and I were going be together and that was the final decision. We are still planning to have a bigger ceremony and reception in the future, perhaps when we hit our 10th anniversary. My family is very supportive, and they celebrated us in their own way in Mexico. For the next celebration, I know I want to have them here because they will be so happy.”