Sean & Jake: A Gay Marriage on Stage & Screen
“Sean and I both grew up very religious. We came from very strong Mormon families and being "gay" was something we never thought we could act on. The Latter Day Saints religion teaches that families can be together for all eternity. However, that is only possible if all members continue a righteous and obedient path through life. You can imagine how terrifying it was to feel like part of who you are was evil. After serving a two year mission for the Church in Costa Rica, I came back to the realization that I was still gay and that wasn't going to change. Go figure! I fell into a deep depression at that time and became pretty reckless with my behavior. The only constant I had in my life up to that point was religion and so I clung so deeply to it and vowed to find a way to make peace with my situation. I believed that my happiness was meant for the next life and this life was just a challenge of obedience for me. Sean and I connected the summer of 2012 on Grindr of all places! However, we were both so scared of each other's intentions that it took months to finally meet. We were closeted and scared mormon boys finally looking to come out to someone with our same experience.”
Sean and Jake met at a Jamba Juice. Public and neutral ground. Previously talking for months online, the nerves were palpable as they first said hello. “We instantly connected. I remember just sitting in my car and chatting for hours. It felt so good to be so authentic. At that point, we were both so excited to finally have a friend we could relate to. We decided that we were going to be best friends and help each other through the whole "gay thing". We would help each other find understanding wives and finally put being gay behind us.”
“I remember Sean was really into fitness. He wore a tight tank top and shorts to our first meeting. I thought he was going to be really "bro" but when we started chatting he had the most delicate heart and the cutest sense of humor. I was instantly attracted to him. He says that I had a mysterious air about me that intrigued him as well.”
After their first night meeting, the two were inseparable. Getting together every chance they got, it didn’t take long for them to realize that their feelings for one another were very strong. It sunk in quickly that this was more than a friendship. “We didn't want to love each other, but we fell in love so hard in that first month. It was a magical time of exploring our feelings—nonstop butterflies and smiling.” After their first month together, Jake headed back to school at USC and they continued staying connected long distance. After the school year finished, Sean decided to make the move to Los Angeles to be with Jake.
After Jake finished college in 2015, they moved back to Utah to start their lives together and careers. Over the first few years of being together, Jake and Sean’s families had finally come to terms with their relationship. “Having our families present at the wedding and supportive was very important for us.” Jake commented. As their relationship grew deeper, they continued to discuss getting married. “I knew that I wanted to propose to Sean, but I never do anything half-ass. I wanted it to be a surprise and extravagant. It was nearing our 3 year anniversary so I decided to take Sean on 3 spontaneous dates that were all themed around things we did in each of those years of dating. He would come home from work and I would have the entrance decorated with mementos from each of those years. In actuality, all of this extravagance was just to make him less suspicious about the proposal. When the 3rd date came around I told him that I had rented a movie theater for a private showing of Titanic. It was one of the first movies we had seen together. Sean had never seen it before meeting me.”
Once Sean and Jake arrived at the theater, they were greeted by 70 of their closest friends and family. "I kind of go all-out with anniversaries though, so I don't think he knew right away.” Jake added. “We watched about 10 minutes of the movie, and then there were some "technical difficulties". The screen went black and I told Sean that I had to see what was going on. When I left, the film changed to a little slideshow I made of our relationship. It started out with baby photos and ended with all of our adventures through dating. There was one particular video clip where Sean says, "I think I wanna marry him" to the camera. I flip the camera around and reply "I think I want to marry him, too". While the little video played in the theater, I changed into some nicer clothes and then came out and proposed to Sean in front of the crowd. He said YES!”
The wedding date was set for September 3rd, 2016. Jake and Sean planned their celebration at the American Fork Amphitheater in Salt Lake City, Utah. “Planning a wedding was pretty labor intensive. It was tough to find a venue that was outdoorsy and beautiful but also provided plenty of parking and space for our 350 guests. We luckily found an amazing coordinator who helped piece things together.”
The ceremony was held in a wooded area outside the venue before continuing the party with brick-oven pizzas, tons of deserts, and plenty of dancing. “Honestly, I wish I could go back and be a fly on the wall to witness it again. There was so much happiness and love.”
Opting for a traditional wedding weekend, Sean and Jake stayed in separate places the night before the big day. “Sean had a fun night with friends getting ready, and I did a more intimate gathering with my siblings. We actually got ready with our entire wedding party in the same apartment, but Sean and I stayed separate, so the first time we would see each other was walking down the aisle.”
Emotions swirling, Sean and Jake took turns walking down the aisle to the alter with their parents. “It was still somewhat taboo to embrace your gay children, yet our parents walked proudly to hand us off. Sean's dad is a bishop of the church and it was a pretty big deal that he came to support. The photo of him walking his son down the aisle even went viral on Facebook. It was so amazing to be in this little valley with so many people that supported and loved us so much. I have never felt such immense positivity in one place.”
Funding much of the wedding themselves, Jake and Sean didn’t want to apply too much additional stress by planning an extravagant honeymoon. Instead, the intent was set for somewhere they could decompress and be together. A road trip to Portland, Seattle, and down the west coast gave them the perfect combination of relaxation along with adventure amongst nature.
When asked about what advice they would give other couples planning their wedding, they said to start early. “We made a little to-do list and broke it down into tasks for each month so that nothing piled up too much. It can be overwhelming so always take it back to the purpose and intent. Even if everything isn't exactly as you planned it, you won't even remember on the day. We just felt so grateful and happy. Nothing mattered but that connection in the end.”
“It goes by so fast so don't stress. Enjoy every minute of it. Splurge on photos and video if you can because those simple reminders always take us right back to those beautiful feelings of that day. Also, assign someone to make sure you get food and cake!”
It is amazing to think that an encounter online and meeting at a Jamba Juice turned into this lifelong love story. Now living together in Salt Lake City, Jake and Sean continue to celebrate their love together, working as a team and sharing a bit of their lives on Instagram. “Honestly, neither one of us would have ever imagined this was a possibility for our lives. Our wedding was a dream made into reality.”
Venue: American Fork Amphitheater
Photography: Rachel Amy Photography | Instagram
Officiant: Thomas Montgomery
