Dan & Ivan: A Numbers Game
Cenote ceremony photos: Martin Rojas, @martinrojasphoto
Fortunes turn in the blink of an eye, and so they did for Dan and Ivan 12-years ago, on February 13th, when the two met at an Unlucky in Love party in their adopted home of Toronto. Ivan caught Dan’s eye having dressed on-theme for the party, and before long they were sharing a fork and making out. “We say that cheesecake brought us together, and now (and a few pounds later) it is pushing us apart!” Dan said through laughter.
“Neither of us grew up with a silver spoon in our mouths and we were both immigrants to Canada, here without our families,” Dan explained of the hours of conversation they had on their first date, days after meeting. And not long after, Ivan began introducing Dan as his boyfriend. Dan just went with it until, “[we] were at a ‘numbers party’ where everyone was assigned a number. If someone is interested in you, you can leave a Post-It on a board with the number of the person you’re interested in. So, I left a note on Ivan’s number asking if he wanted to be my boyfriend. At first, he didn’t realize it was me!”
Barely a year later, enjoying a life to which Ivan brought color, warmth, a sense of joy and adventure, and one in which Dan and Ivan experienced the ease and comfort of being with someone who appreciates the other at a profound level, the two decided to get married. “We agreed at the kitchen table,” Dan explained. There was no need for great fanfare given the two knew that their relationship was inevitable.
Theirs was a religious ceremony at the Metropolitan Community Church of Toronto, where the two attended. “MCC is where the first legalized gay wedding was ever officiated,” Dan highlighted, further sharing how inclusive the church and its congregation has historically been, and how welcoming it had been to the two. “My father was a Baptist minister, and because of his and my mother’s beliefs, they didn’t attend our wedding. Ivan’s parents couldn’t get visas to make the trip.” But Dan’s brother and cousin stood with him, while other family members looked on.
Keeping with the spirit of Ivan’s love of color and Mexican traditions of hosting, the family decorated their ceremony and reception with paper flowers (“lots and lots of paper flowers!”) and treated guests to a taco buffet with freshly made tortillas. “People still talk about the food at our wedding!” And, staying true to one of Mexico’s beloved customs, Dan and Ivan shared a tequila shot toast!
When asked how to reconcile growing up in religions that didn’t fully embrace them, Dan explained: “God doesn’t make mistakes and he made us. Loving and doing no harm, no matter who you love, is right.”
Ten years later, prompted by another friend’s wedding in Playa del Carmen, the two decided to renew their vows and give Ivan’s family an opportunity to witness Dan and Ivan recommitting to each other. A beach wedding didn’t appeal, but when told of a remote cenote—a natural deep-water well—on land still looked after by Mayan locals, the two jumped at the opportunity. “We met with the shaman at Starbucks who shared that in the Mayan language was gender neutral ,” assuaging any concern of the ceremony and couple not being embraced by the stewards of the cenote and surrounding area. Again, the couple wed where they belonged.
Ivan’s family looked on as Dan and Ivan joined the shaman on a floating platform at the bottom of the sinkhole. The ceremony, both in Spanish and Mayan, invoked ancient traditions and sentiments. The two acknowledged the Four Corners and tossed various grains into the water as an offering to the spirits. Though neither spoke Mayan, Dan and Ivan both reported understanding what the shaman was conveying to them. “He was giving us advice on how to listen and communicate and see the humanity in each other.” Dan thought he could see faces in the rock face surrounding the cenote. With ancestors looking on, the shaman further enforced this sentiment of truly seeing each other by having the couple look deeply into each other’s eyes, or as the shaman said: “the person who is right there” as copal smoke surrounded them and rose petals poured over them. “There were lots of tears because of how incredibly solemn and spiritual and intense the experience was for both of us,” Dan said. Afterwards, the two laid on the platform together quietly reflecting on the ceremony and their life together.
When asked what it means and feels like to renew one’s vows, Dan explained: “It is an acknowledgement of who we have become together and individually.” Knowing one isn’t who one was when first getting married, renewing one’s vows is about a recommitment to a marriage between people who have evolved, acknowledging how a couple has changed while remaining committed to their relationship. Marriages and the people in them don’t remain static, why should vows stay fixed to the time at which they were first exchanged?
After 12-years Dan says of being married: “I am still amazed at how much I love Ivan and how much joy there is between us. We still kiss each other hello and goodbye every time we see each other. Marriage is a leap of faith.” When you have love, spirituality, and tradition at your side, that leap is an easy one to take.
Ceremony Venue: @ecoaldeahatsuts
Reception Venue: @zenzi_beach
Photographer: Martin Rojas, @martinrojasphoto
Planner/Designer: Maria Galicia, @mariagaliciaweddings
Officiant: Cristian Alcantara Becerril
