First Dance: Vows in Motion

Sandro with one of his couples.

Exchanging vows is often considered the most intimate moment in a wedding. This is the hallowed occasion when we as individuals profess our love to each other in front of friends and family as the final step in getting married.

But a couple’s first dance is an equally intimate moment in a wedding. This is the jubilant occasion when, we demonstrate how two husbands, as one couple, will glide through life together, joyfully partnered. If vows are the final step in getting married, then the dance is the first step in being married.

“The first dance is a vignette on a timeline of one’s life. It is like a tattoo,” says the incomparable Sandro, of I Know You Can Dance, the best dance instructor in NYC. “And like with a tattoo, you must pick your dance instructor carefully,” Sandro adds.

Photo: Mat Fotografía @matfotografia

Like with vows, the more they reveal about you, the more they resonate for you and your friends and family. That is why Sandro works with his couples to bring out their personalities and interests as they take to the dancefloor for the first time as husbands.

“I am like a hawk for what makes people individual.” Sandro shared the story of a couple who was known for fist bumping, which he recognized immediately, and just as fast he choreographed a fist bump into their first dance. Everyone immediately recognized the couple in the dance. As such, as he gets to know the couple, Sandro taps into their interests as a means for building their confidence. “If you’re a golfer or play basketball, I will bring these moves into the choreography. No one comes to me because they love dance so much. They come because they don’t want to look stupid.” And no one ever, ever does when working with Sandro.

It goes without saying, the song a couple chooses is the foundation of the dance. But all too often, couples feel beholden to the song as written and composed. Or perhaps they feel like they must dance to only one. “I let people explore variations, even different songs, to see how they come alive within the song,” Sandro explains. And he will go so far as to edit the song or songs for the exact moments, and to the exact timing, which is why Sandro always, always recommends couples dance to a recorded track as opposed to with a live band. “The band always plays it differently and it leaves the couple lost.” Dancing what the couple knows is essential to helping the couple have the best time while they are on the dancefloor.

And that best time is down to not only learning the dance, but then, as Sandro says: “f*cking with it! I don’t want people to feel trapped. I want them to have fun. So, once I learn what they love, how they move, where they struggle… we work on feeling the music in their body, not thinking in their head. Together, we agree the choreography with me teaching the moves, while the other person watches and the two commenting on what they saw, felt, liked and disliked. I am good at translating the bullsh*t of dancing, versus pumping technique. We capture it all and I send them off to practice. Once they have the muscle memory, then we really have fun.” And this can all happen in as few as three lessons. 

Sandro is especially fond of working with gay couples. “I ask their preference for who leads and who follows, with me often telling them who should do what,” he says laughing. “I also study the level of insecurity within being gay. I want gay couples to fly, avoiding the way that I struggled. I am protective of the reality that a decade ago this opportunity—for two men to marry and have a first dance—did not exist. So, I do more than I can to care for gays couples.”

Taken together, vows and first dance are a window into how a couple has grown together emotionally and physically. Your vows say what you mean, while your dance shows what you feel. Telling that story is as much about living it as it is finding the best way to share it. And when it comes to sharing your life story on the dancefloor, there is simply no one better than Sandro to help you take your first (dance) steps into married life.

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