One Year In: Jason Mitchell Kahn Interviews Newlyweds Christian & Raheem

True to our purpose of supporting men who marry, we are excited to launch a new feature here at Men’s Vows. We are reconnecting with couples we’ve featured over the years to hear all about their married life. As much as we want to give you all the stories, advice and “feels” of couples getting engaged and married, we also want to give you all the stories, advice and “feels” of being married.

So, this month we are excited to look back on a year of married life with Christian and Raheem who recently “Zoomed” with Men’s Vows’ very own Jason Mitchell Kahn.

JMK:  How did you feel after you got married?

CJ: I feel like I became more accepted. Overall for us, it felt like putting the stamp on what we had already cultivated.

JMK:  Do you mean acceptance by one another or by friends or family?

CJ: By family and friends.  For them, it was real now.  Once we did this step it helped.  As a result of getting married, I have a better relationship with my sister now. 

RW: Fortunately my family was always accepting. I always wanted to get married, but always thought it would have never been possible until legislation was put in place where we could get married, I didn't think it was ever going to happen. It was exciting and it’s been a great experience.

JMK: How long did you date for before you decided to get engaged?

RW: Four years long distance between New York and DC.

CJ: We made it work. We would see each other almost every weekend and Facetime, so it never felt like it was a true long-distance.

JMK:  There's been a lot of studies that show when couples are forced to have time apart, it's very healthy.

RW: Long-distance allowed me to work on myself and be a better partner for him.

CJ:  There was always an excitement to see each other. Now we are bi-coastal living in Vegas and New York and we’ve been working from home for a while.

JMK: Your story shows how even in these times life can still be filled with love, connection, and humanity.

RW: It takes a lot of work. You have to want it and to be committed before you even get to the wedding.

JMK:  Advice for other couples getting married?

RW: Stay true to what you and your partner would like for your wedding. Don't allow your friends and family to dictate how you should have your wedding.

CJ:  And on the day of, don’t stress.

JMK: What about after the wedding day into the marriage?

CJ: Communication is key. It’s ok to argue. But even when we disagree we have a calm conversation about it.

RW: I worked to be 100% comfortable with myself and not expect that my partner was going to complete me. I think it’s also important to know who you are as an individual so you can be stronger together.

CJ: Life is short. Enjoy it. Every second counts.

JMK:  Both of your industries were very affected by coronavirus?

CJ:  Yes.  We've been quarantining for the most. We finally decided to take a trip in August after being quarantined for 5 months.

JMK: What’s it been like to go from being long-distance into getting married and then going into quarantine together?

CJ: We always learn about each other. This experience was a great way for us to connect on a different levels. We have helped each other. It’s important to see the good out of this way of life. It’s been easier to eat healthily and work-out more.  

JMK: Are eating and working out things you always do together now?

CJ:  We always worked out together, but we never sat down together at the table and actually talked with one another during breakfast and lunch like we do now.  We’ve also done a lot of home improvement.

RW: That was a great collaboration. He could be an architect and I like gardening. It was great to work on home improvements together.

CJ: We loved having a project to look forward to.

JMK: Have you had any of those moments where you just looked at each other and said I just need some space right now from you?

Both: Yes, yes, and yes.

JMK:  Ultimately this experience has made your relationship deeper and more connected?

CJ:  We were already very connected, but we get to do more together now.

RW: We push each other more and help each other.

CJ: This all started at a critical time for me as I was starting a new project. Given the impact of Covid, having Raheem by my side to cheer me up helped. He was there to make sure I didn’t crash.  

JMK: Aside from dealing with coronavirus, there has protesting and demands for change in response to racial atrocities. What has this been like for you as people of color?

CJ: Hard.  George Floyd restarted the engine of a problem that has been here forever. It brought us back to things we experienced on our journey.  Rahim grew up here in the United States as an African American, and I grew up in the Caribbean. Being an immigrant adds a whole new layer.

RW: Our backgrounds are different, but his experience has provided me a lens of seeing how black people who weren’t born here have a different culture and different mindset. Their belief system is based on empowerment as opposed to African Americans who were born in the United States. Hearing his experience helps me and him hearing my experience helps him.

CJ: I grew up in the first black in the republic and my parents are mixed family. I never had to check a box to actually say that this is my race. When I came here it was the first time I had to check a box to identify who I am. I was strong enough because of my background not to let anyone tell me that I cannot accomplish something.

JMK:  I have to hope that there is going to be some good from this year and that real change can come if we all really work at it.

CJ: We're all hoping for it.