John & Alex: Covering All The Bases

In the span of one week starting on Labor Day 2019, John's life changed entirely. A career diplomat, he had just wrapped up a posting to the U.N. and was headed for a year-long posting to Baghdad. That position did not materialize, and John was swiftly recruited to a posting in China and would immediately begin preparations in D.C. for his next four years in Asia. 

The following Saturday, John and Alex had their first date at a D.C. coffee shop. The two met on Hinge, and as Alex said: "We both were the types who wanted to meet as quickly as possible, not staying too long in the chat." Alex picked a spot a mere block from his house. This strategic move was more about having a short commute home if the date didn't go well. But one coffee turned into two turned into Alex inviting John to join him for a Washington Nationals baseball game he'd arranged for work colleagues. John went on to say: "One of the questions on Hinge was what was Alex's idea of a perfect date. He answered going to a musical and a game in the same weekend." It seemed their first date was well on its way to being perfect as the two walked to Alex's baseball game singing showtunes. 

And so began the nine-month countdown to John and Alex becoming engaged. Alex explained: "when we met, we both knew we were looking for something permanent." John continued: "and we are both inherently skeptical people," as the two laughed. So, John and Alex mapped out the milestones they wanted to experience to determine the viability of their relationship, all before John leaving for China. Among other things, their list included meeting each other's friends and family, traveling together, and experiencing each other's life in New York. Oh, and John officially inviting Alex to join him in Shanghai. 

Over New Year's 2019, the two were in the East Village at one of John's old karaoke haunts, which he described as "very important to my New York nightlife." He had envisioned singing the old standard: "Slow Boat to China" as the way to invite Alex to join John but was thwarted because the karaoke bar didn't have the song, nor was he able to download it on the spot. "So, in the cab I explained my plan to sing the invitation to him and ended up asking Alex to come to Shanghai with me on the way home that night. I might have been a little bit tipsy." In the clearer light of day, they discussed it again, and began a plan to move to China as a couple.

Their not-so-slow-boat moved along at a pace. Alex set in motion a transfer to Asia and set out on a previously arranged Jewish service trip in Rwanda, which turned into an epic birthday trip for John from Paris to Amsterdam to Rwanda to… Covid lockdown. While the trip ticked the international travel box on their list of experiences to have to vet their relationship, a global pandemic was decidedly not. 

"We kept having fun, having really interesting conversations, engaging each other's interests, learning a lot from the other, and processing the stress of the lockdown together. And cooking a lot," Alex described of their time in lockdown. "A lot of baking which we are now working off as we are preparing for being in wedding suits." John continued: "When you're skeptical by nature, the fact that it is so easy, and has been so fun—even through a global pandemic—makes it that much more real." 

The last item on their list, though perhaps unspoken, was to get engaged. "I did not want to wrap up our time in D.C. and move to China with any doubts about our relationship," Alex said. Not surprisingly, the two had discussed it and mapped out in theory what engaged and married life might be like. But the one thing was for certain, John wanted the engagement to be a surprise.

So, Alex planned on popping the question back where they had their first date. "Because of the pandemic, we couldn’t sit inside the coffee shop, so we went across the street to an historic synagogue and sat on the stairs." With their Judaism and traditions being such an important part of their lives and time together, there weren't many places better to pop the question. 

Alex proposed with a Cartier tank watch presented in the iconic red Cartier box. "As soon as John saw it and I started speaking, there were a lot of tears. I couldn't really speak." "I was in shock. Complete shock," John said of the moment. When asked about the thought behind proposing with a watch, John explained that he'd pictured getting the watch for himself at the end of his scuttled posting in Iraq, while for Alex a watch was an ideal symbol of love and commitment forever. That said, he also presented two Qalo rings which, with John heading off to China ahead of Alex, served as "marking of [Alex's] territory!" 

Without any skepticism left as to their relationship, the two turned to planning their wedding. While still in the U.S., the two agreed they wanted a large, New York wedding. "The city holds my heart and soul and is where Alex is from." They selected a planner (Men's Vows' very own Jason Mitchell Kahn), assembled their list of guests and… sent John off to Shanghai, continuing the wedding planning process together from afar while John settled into life and work overseas. "We had daily life check-ins, including the wedding planning," said Alex. "We scouted venues over FaceTime, spoke to vendors virtually, but I had to do all the tastings myself! Covid actually made planning over two continents much easier." 

Easy is the unofficial theme of John and Alex's wedding. The two have opted for not having a wedding party or including any readers or otherwise. "We didn’t want anyone to feel pressure while being at our wedding," John said. Which is also why the event is conceived as a Southern cocktail party - a nod to Alex’s seven years living in New Orleans - with big band music, food and cocktail stations, and a fluid reception without interruption. "We've asked everyone to wear whatever makes them feel fabulous," John added. 

On November 13th at the Angel Orensanz Foundation in New York, John and Alex will become husbands. When asked what they are most looking forward to of the day, John said: "We are so excited that our wedding will be many of our guests' first time together in a long time." Alex added of a relationship marked by reaching milestones together: "this is the most significant one in keeping the momentum of our relationship moving, especially as we turn to building a family together." With the right person at your side, there is no stopping what love—and a list—can accomplish!